St. Maarten

After staying in transvestites kitchens, people's floors, train stations, airports, and cheap hotels we arrived in St. Maarten with luxuries we hadn't seen in 2 months, or ever. We journeyed from Dublin to New York where we partied with Ace for a few days and picked up our pay check and prorated bonus for this blog. We met Sam's sister, Sar, at the airport and headed to St. Maarten where we would celebrate her 30th birthday with her finance and all of their wonderful friends. Also there was Sam's other sister and her bf, and our favorite sidekick, Jeremiah (Our sidekick from the Vegas days). It was so great to see everyone and staying in the most gorgeous mansion we have ever seen in our lives was not bad either. Our villa was right on the beach, with a huge pool and an ocean for our backyard. Jacuzzi, cabanas, movie theater, huge outdoor bathrooms, giant beds (something we hadn't seen in 2 months) were just some of the delicacies we enjoyed in St. Maarten. Sure did beat the centipede infested transvestites kitchen in Pag. Or the flooded basement hotel room in Amsterdam. But our European journey only made us appreciate the villa that much more.

The first few days we got acquainted with everyone, went snorkeling, played a bunch of games (uno, jepoardy, racist taboo, blackjack), went wake boarding, and ate like we had just come back from Europe with little money to spend on food. Every night we had something fun planned like, everyone dressing up in white and going to a nice restaurant in town. One night we played jepoardy with all the question pertaining to Sar for her birthday (the stacked team with Sam and Kevin, Sar's fiancee, won)

One of the best parts of this villa was every room had a huge plasma and free internet. In Europe we were paying about 3 dollars per 10 minuets for the net. Being able to read everything about the upcoming Trojan and Raider seasons was so amazing we shall not attempt to put it in words. Watching week 2 of college football and opening weekend of the NFL from a bed, in a room, that was opened to the Caribbean sea, was priceless.

Dublin

We flew into Ireland and decided to rent a car since our hotel was pretty far from central Dublin. We rent a car and then find out that the steering wheel is on the right side. Then we had to ask what side of the street these Irish people drive on- the left. Driving this car, at night, in traffic, with no idea how to get to the hotel, was by far the most dangerous thing we did in Europe (well, as a group the most dangerous. Indivually, the most dangerous thing was Sam driving a scooter in Ibiza when he doesnt know how to ride a bike).

It turns out that we were staying in the largest hotel in all of Europe. It was all of 1,700 rooms smaller than every hotel in Las Vegas. I guess our hotel just verified the statement that everything is bigger in America. The hotel had a golf course, casino, and gym. We spent all day working out and all night gambling. One entire day and night we stayed up all night, and we didnt even leave our hotel.

We only journied to central Dublin one time to go to the Guiness factory. The Guiness factory was kind of lame. You dont see anyone or anything making the beer. Instead there is just TV's everywhere playing movies of people making Guiness. Not to mention, they advertise it as having 8 great stories, but each story had about one TV and one sotry had a TV that played a bunch of comercials and another level only had a sign to go to the next level. Pretty lame. At the top level they gave you all the free Guiness you could ask for. Kind of ironic since they advertise free parking.

Norway

We stayed with Linda and her family in a small town 45 min outside of Oslo. It was our most unique experience in all of Europe. Linda's family lives right in the middle of the woods with no nieghbors in plain sight. In their freezer resides elk and deer that they hunt and eat throughout the year. After being at Linda's for only a few minutes, we saw a family of 3 elk and 4 deer, about 15 feet from her house. It was nuts. We did some hunting, ate some authentic Norweigan salmon, ate some elk burgers, and did some shopping in Oslo. Oslo was a really clean and gorgeous city.

One of the best moments was when we went out on a Linda's father's boat. He took us all around Oslo fjord and it was gorgeous. But keep in mind, Norway is very far North so winter has already started there. So it was pretty cold on the boat. We took a nice little boat ride to a Norwegian resturant where we met some Norweigans that were very excited to talk to some Americans.

We know that we originally said that the most gorgeous girls were in Hossegor, but we have found a competing country in Norway. The last night we went to a party for a friend of Linda's that was leaving for a Desmond style boat trip around the world. The girls there were rediculous. Every single girl has true pure blonde hair with bright blue eyes. Even the ugly girls at this party would be considered dimes in the valley, all of the people speak English, it was Heaven.

Amsterdam

Most degenerate place in the world. You really need to be there to belive it, but we will try our best to describe Amsterdam. Everyone is smoking weed. Joints are more common in the streets than cigarettes in Las Vegas casinos. "Coffee shops" where they sell the weed are more common than Starbucks in the Valley. They even have "Smart shops" where they sell more drugs than just marijuana. We visited a sex museum where they just have wax statues of people having sex, very strange. Then in the Red Light district, there are prostitutes for sell in every window. You walk by, and they are just standing in every window in a thong bikini, selling themselves. They tap on the windows and tell you to come buy a "F**k and suck only 50 Euro". Strangely enough, some of the Pro's are gorgeous. You just need to be patient because there are alot of men and trannys.
Best part about Amsterdam, we met up with our boy Tony Ibriham, who lives there now. He showed us around and introduced us to his friend, Oscar. Turns out we all friends with Oscar as he went to Round Meadow Elementary with us! We hadn't seen Oscar since 4th grade and hadnt seen Tony since High School, so it was a great reunion. They did a great job being our tour guides and really gave us a feel for Amsterdam in just two days. They showed us authentic Dutch food, authentic bars, and an outside toilet in the middle of Amsterdam. Another very memorable stop on our European tour.

La Rochelle

During our stay in Hossegor we made two great friends, Flo and Audrey. Flo looks just like David Guetta and Audrey is just as sexy. They took us to their town and let us stay with them for three days. They took us to some great restaurants, cooked us some great food, took us to a gorgeous beach on Re island, and showed us a great time. We had some meals that were comparable to Hossegor meals. One mourning they made got us oysters, sea snails, and crab legs. Another night they took us to a nice steak house where Sam ate 1kg of steak.

Even though we love Audrey and flo, they thought we were sleazy for looking at a girl for more than 1 second. Apparently, in France it is illegal for a man to look at a women, single or otherwise. Then again, if we were dating Flo, we wouldn't want to look at other girls. On the last day in La Rochelle we did some shopping and then Flo helped us find a train ride to Amsterdam.

Dax

Dax is a small city in France, right next to the Spain/France border. They have the bull fights there and a huge party in the streets afterwards where everyone is wearing white and red. Like true valley degenerates, the three of us, Benji, and his sister went to Dax, after the bull fight so we could party without paying for the actual fight. Dax was a true European adventure: drunk people partying in the streets, everyone in the same colors, and millions of bars. The entire town was partying all night long. When we left at 4am Benji decided to stay so he could "empty himself". Julie, Benji's sister, told us that she knew how to get back to the car so we parted ways with Benji. Clearly, there was some type of language barrier because Julie had no clue how to get back to the car. We walked around in circles for about 2 hours and couldn't find the car. During our walk we met this degenerate drunk guy who was standing in the middle of the street dodging cars. We decided to help him and pushed him out of harms way with a tree branch. He then started walking with us and was being really belligerent. When he finally tried to touch Julie, we threw his ass in a trash can. He is probably still there. 8am came around and so did our car, and we drove back to Hossegor. What a night.

Hossegor

After 2 boats, 4 train rides, and 2 buses we finally arrived in Hossegor, France, the capital of Pull-in underwear. Pierre and Bobby, two of Benji's friends picked us up in Bayonne and drove us to Hossegor. For those of you who don't know, Benji is our friend who lives in San Diego with Matt. His arrival back in his hometown was a surprise to all of his friends, so in Pierre's car, he wore a wig so no one would recognize him. Benji took us to his home where we met his very nice family and cute sister. His family had prepared a 5 course meal for our arrival. We ate with a bunch of friends and family of Benji's and then went out to Safari, Hossegor's finest club.

When we partied with Benji in Las Vegas in the beginning of our trip, we had no idea how crazy this guy can get. But when he was on his home-field of Hossegor, this guy was a god. Every single person knew his name, every bar tender gave him free bottles with his name on it, and all the girls wanted to marry him and come back to the states for iPod minis. The owner of the club gave us a table and Benji started riping peoples shirts off, taking off his pull-in underwear and wearing them on his head, and just being degenerate. When we went back to Benji's house at 6am he woke up his whole family to tell them about our adventures at Safari. Some people we had met at the club jumped in Benji's pool naked, we got into a fight with some gypsies, and ran home naked. Easily the craziest night of our European trip. And we owe about 200 iPod minis to Hossegor's finest.

The next day Benji took us to the beach were everyone he knows is a pro surfer. Even Benji's 14 year old cousin Vince (who probably gets more girls than all of us combined) is a pro surfer. Hossegor had some of the most gorgeous girls in all of the world, and on this beach they were all topless. We were in Heaven. This was the best beach we had ever been to in our lives, hands down. The sand felt like flour, the water was crystal clear, and did we mention there was gorgeous topless girls everywhere?

The rest of Hossegor consisted of more of the same excellentness. Every meal we had breakfast, lunch, or dinner, was a three course meal. The food we ate was incomparable to anywhere else in the world. Some nights we had the French delicacy, Foie gras. Other nights we had a huge plate of paella that Benji's father prepared for us. Every meal was followed by raw prosciutto and fomage. For every dinner we had, we were joined by all of Benji's closest friends and family, and he is a very popular man. We made so many great friends, partied every night, and left Hossegor saying it was our favorite destination of our entire European adventure.

Nice

Nice was really nice. We only got to spend 8 hours there because it was a layover on our 36 hour ferry/bus/train ride from Croatia to Hossegor, where our friend Benji lives. We did a lot of shopping, accidentally went to some gay beaches, climbed up to the man made waterfall at the top of the city, and then rushed back onto the train. Most of the clothes in the fashion capital of Europe said Los Angeles or Hollywood on them. Next trip, we're definitely spending more time in the South of France. We were a little disapointed that we were missing out on so much fun in Nice, but Benji made up for all the fun we missed out on, and then some. On our train ride out we got to see Canes, Monte Carlo, and the beach where Johnny Drama made love to that girl all night.

Påg

We heard Pag is a party island like Ibiza and Mykonos. True.. but what we didn't know is that all accomidations are booked up months in advance. So when we arrived by ferry down the Croatian coast, we spent about 10 hours looking for a place to stay. Nothing. We did find some guy killing, skinning, and gutting a pig for lunch. We were desperate and started asking random people if we could stay with them. We offered to pay, clean, cook, whatever it took. No takers. Then, Sizzle asked some slutty looking older woman selling books on the street. Matt wanted to smash, but when she turned around, we realized that she had a bigger adam's apple than he did. When we told her/him we'd be willing to stay in her kitchen, she said "actually, i have a bed in my kitchen." So we stayed in the tranny's kitchen that night and partied at the clubs on the beach. They were as wild as Ibiza. Matt and Sam ended up hopping in a boat and paddling out to sea. We had also made a friend that night, Centi. Centi had a hundred legs, was about 6 inches long, and hung out in our shower. The next day we partied at the same beach clubs and got our Tao Beach on. The pool parties were packed and the beaches were gorgeous. Later, after a nap in the tranny's kitchen, Sam woke up from his comfortable sleep on a pool raft with some form of hives. We think he was allergic to either pool rafts, transvestites, or centipedes. We had fun in Pag, but needless to say, we were ready to get the hell outta there. So we packed our stuff and booked it at 5 in the morning without saying bye to Tranny or Centi. Well, Centi tried to come with us; we saw him sprint across the bed and try to jump in Gordy's backpack.

Pula

Our bus trip to Pula started with an adventure when our passports were checked at the border. Right after a police officer checked our passports, another police officer came and checked again. Matt told him, "it already got checked homieeeee!". The officer contemplated deporting us but instead just turned to the Croatians next to us and said something in Croatian about our shorts, everyone laughed except for us. The bus was a great way to see Croatia, and it is by far the most gorgeous place we have been so far. It is filled with crystal clear waters and cliffs.

When our bus finally arrived in Pula we got out and started looking for hotels. All of them seemed to be sold out, and we were getting nervous because it was a very small city. We then found a "accommodations store" that sold us an apartment for 1 night. Then, we met two Croatian friends, Robin and Sasha, that ended up making our Pula experience a great one. We chatted with them, and then they showed us the way to our apartment. When we got to the apartment, some old lady was yelling at us in Croatian. Gordy and Matt could not stop from cracking up, and the lady took our money, slammed the door, and left. It was 1 am and we had no place to stay and this old lady just stole 650 Kuna from us (about 100$). Our new friends Robin and Sasha called the cops and got us in the rooms and our money back!

We then celebrated the night by going to Uljanik night club. It was a huge place with two rooms, one for rock music and one for dance. Some guy, about 5 feet tall, started to fight us because we told him we were Americans and that we were related to George W. As soon as he started to get loud, these huge bouncers with short shorts grabbed him and carried him outside and stomped him. Amazing.

The next day Robin and Sasha took us to a gorgeous beach with huge cliffs that we had to jump off of. It was about 30 meters high (about 100 ft). The beachs in Pula are really gorgeous but there is no sand, it is all big rock, which is uncomfortable but no sand on your feet when you leave. The last night we stayed at Robin's house and got ready for a boat trip to the island of Pag.

Trieste

The train system in Europe is very interesting. We paid at the station, and after siting on a train for a few hours no one ever checked to see if we had tickets or not. From that point on we decided that we would no longer pay for train rides and take our chances. In the future we realized that this method was very profitable, and if we ever get caught, "we are Americans" will get us out of any trouble.

After our first train ride we found ourselves in a small transfer town in Italy called Trieste. Since we had a few hours to kill, we decided to go shopping. We found some Euro shorts that we would wear for the next week of our lives, non stop. They served multiple purposes: we could wear them on the beaches in Croatia, they would keep us cool in the air condtionless trains, and they were just plain old sexy. We tried on a whole bunch of them and when we were ready to pay the store owner was no where to be found. We busted out the tri- pod, and told the town we were filming a gay documentary inside the cave like store. It was probably the most fun we had in Italy.

Venice

So we went to Venice strictly to see where the Venetian in Las Vegas got its elegance from. After our visit, we decided that it might be the other way around. Nothing in Europe is as clean as it is portrayed in Las Vegas. Don't get us wrong, Venice was gorgeous, but the water smelled horrible and the streets look as if they haven't been cleaned, ever. The marble in Las Vegas casinos that is so clean you want to eat off it, is no where to be found in Venice. The marble that was not stolen by the pope a couple hundred years ago, is so dirty it looks like asphalt. We did the normal two nights for the price of one routine (or scam). The best part of Venice, by far, was the gelati. The gelati was only 1 Euro per scoop, the only thing in all of Europe that you can get for 1 Euro and it was well worth it.

We met some Australian friends along the way that we were in love with. They told us that Croatia was a must see and told us different places and islands to visit while we where there. After a failed attempt to bring them back to the United States, marry them, and get them ipod minis, we decided to cut our loses and hop on a train to Pula, Croatia. However, before our journey to Pula there was a stop in Treiste.

Rome

Matty has arrived!! We got into Rome early in the mourning, found a place to stay and had about 10 hours to kill until the arrival of the man, the myth, the legend. We cruised around the river, went to the Vatican, Gordy bought a Tri-pod, and ate some pasta that wasn't half as good as the pasta in the states. We couldn't get inside the Vatican because some guy told us it was ˝private˝ so instead of seeing the Sistine Chapel, we ate Gelato. We took a nap and waited for the hostage taker to arrive.

Matt showed up sweating like crazy due to the humidity. We went out and decided to see Rome at night. We met a bunch of sloppy British and Canadian girls on a bar crawl. Besides that Rome was absolutely dead; Not a person to be seen anywhere. We went back to our ghetto abode and just caught up with Matty. It was great to see him. We were laughing and being so loud that our neighbor in our hotel had to tell us to ˝speak more slowly˝.

The next day Gordy and Matt went to the Colosseum while Sam slept in and purchased a hotel room for another night. The Colosseum was fun to just roam around screaming ˝Spaniard! Spaniard! Spaniard!˝. We took a guided tour and learned a bunch of useless information about the Colosseum, like the marble was stolen by some pope to make the Vatican, the Colosseum then started to collapse without the marble, so the pope rebuilt it and put his name on it, true story.

When Gordy and Matt got back to the hotel, at around 5pm, Sam had not bought the hotel room for the next night and they had not kicked us out. We decided to capitalize on the situation and stay for as long as we could for free. We showered, napped, and at 10pm we left and decided to party all night until our 6am flight. Bad idea...

First we couldn't find a bar, club, or even restaurant open after 11. So since there was nothing to do we decided to go to the airport and sleep there before our flight. Another horrible idea, the airport was closed. Only in a rank third world country like Italy would a busy airport close. We slept outside on the dirty floor and when we awoke got on the plane for Venice.

Barcelona Prt III

Day 3 in Barcelona, we tried to see the rest of the sites. We went to Guell Park, another blank canvas that Barcelona gave to Gaudi. We visited the site of the 92 Olympics. It was Sunday, so we got some sun and spent some time in worship of our God, Michael Jordan. When the sun went down, the lights turned on and the fountain show started at the National Palace. This was the most incredible man-made creation we had ever seen. The fountains, the palace, the lights, and the size of the whole thing made Bellagio look like Bally's. It's only appropriate that they welcomed MJ and the Dream Team to Barcelona with such extravagence. That night, we decided to not get a hotel and stay up until our 8am flight. This may have been the most miserable night of our trip. We roamed the streets for hours selling "cervezas, fanta, agua, beer cold!" and hung out with some Italian Gus's on the hosed-down floor of La Rambla. We finally took the bus to the aeropuerto but when we got there, we were told that our ghetto airline, RyanAir, flew out of an airport 120km away. So we hustled onto a train, took a taxi, and got there 30 minutes before our flight, but they didn't let us in cuz we're American. We had to book a hotel in some random town called Girona and take a flight the next morning.

So if you're wondering how we've been affording to stay in nice hotels for a month now, we'll let you in on the travelor's secret... 3 star hotels for 1.5 star prices. So when we get into a city at 6 or 7am on no sleep, we check into a nice hotel for that day (one day only), get a few hours of sleep and then get up and see the city. After roaming around a little, we will call it a early night and go back to bed around 1am. We get up the next day and check out of our hotel (still only having to pay for one night). We leave our bags with the front desk and stay out the remainder of the day. We stay out all day and party all night. Two days for the price of one. Then check back into our hotel at 6 or 7am, not having paid for that day in between. NT!TN

Barcelona Prt II

Barcelona is our favorite city so far. Besides the miles of beaches, gorgeous EUs, and crystal clear water, the city was really elegant. Generally, we don't like big cities, but Barcelona does it's part to keep the streets clean. At night, green suited men walk around and hose everything down: trash, piss, people- no warnings. If you're not paying attention, you'll get hosed. We visited La Sagrada Familia, an eerie-looking temple built by Gaudi in the 19th century. They started it over a hundred years ago, and it's still not done. At night, we went to a huge pool party at some club that held 2500 people. We've been partying in Europe, but clubs and bars aren't our vibe. We got in that pool and got our Tao Beach on. When the club was closing at 6am, Sam noticed his shoes had been "nicked". He then found a nice pair of Kurupt style high-top chucks (Converse All-Stars) for the long walk to the bus stop. As we walked out, some Spanish guy told Sam, "hey tio, those are mis zapatos". We then walked with some French girls to the bus stop, and Sam realized he didn't have his shirt either. Gordy donated some stuff to the pool also.

Barcelona Prt I

First thing we did when we got into Barcelona was hit the beach. The beaches in Barcelona are your typical European beaches you see on TV, filled with colorful umberallas and packed with people. There are Indian people everywhere bugging you to buy "beer cold" and Asian ladies selling "masajes". The only thing we bought was a doughnut from Bambolino, the guy balancing doughnuts on his head. The water is so clear considering there are so many people. We hung out with a bunch of topless EUs and found a nude beach where all of these guys had their dongs out- pretty strange. We later participated in the dong show. We swam out about 300 metres to an island of giant cement cubes in the middle of the ocean. It was chill but there were jellyfish everywhere and we think we got stung. Later, we visited the hotel where the Dream Team stayed and the casino where MJ and Chuck got their gambling fix during the 92 Olympics. They told us we needed shirts, pants, and shoes to enter, and we were 0 for 3, so we had to leave. At night, we went to see the Agbar Tower, a glass-covered phallic building with 4,500 LEDs that change colors every night. It looked like something from a different planet.