Barcelona Prt III

Day 3 in Barcelona, we tried to see the rest of the sites. We went to Guell Park, another blank canvas that Barcelona gave to Gaudi. We visited the site of the 92 Olympics. It was Sunday, so we got some sun and spent some time in worship of our God, Michael Jordan. When the sun went down, the lights turned on and the fountain show started at the National Palace. This was the most incredible man-made creation we had ever seen. The fountains, the palace, the lights, and the size of the whole thing made Bellagio look like Bally's. It's only appropriate that they welcomed MJ and the Dream Team to Barcelona with such extravagence. That night, we decided to not get a hotel and stay up until our 8am flight. This may have been the most miserable night of our trip. We roamed the streets for hours selling "cervezas, fanta, agua, beer cold!" and hung out with some Italian Gus's on the hosed-down floor of La Rambla. We finally took the bus to the aeropuerto but when we got there, we were told that our ghetto airline, RyanAir, flew out of an airport 120km away. So we hustled onto a train, took a taxi, and got there 30 minutes before our flight, but they didn't let us in cuz we're American. We had to book a hotel in some random town called Girona and take a flight the next morning.

So if you're wondering how we've been affording to stay in nice hotels for a month now, we'll let you in on the travelor's secret... 3 star hotels for 1.5 star prices. So when we get into a city at 6 or 7am on no sleep, we check into a nice hotel for that day (one day only), get a few hours of sleep and then get up and see the city. After roaming around a little, we will call it a early night and go back to bed around 1am. We get up the next day and check out of our hotel (still only having to pay for one night). We leave our bags with the front desk and stay out the remainder of the day. We stay out all day and party all night. Two days for the price of one. Then check back into our hotel at 6 or 7am, not having paid for that day in between. NT!TN

Barcelona Prt II

Barcelona is our favorite city so far. Besides the miles of beaches, gorgeous EUs, and crystal clear water, the city was really elegant. Generally, we don't like big cities, but Barcelona does it's part to keep the streets clean. At night, green suited men walk around and hose everything down: trash, piss, people- no warnings. If you're not paying attention, you'll get hosed. We visited La Sagrada Familia, an eerie-looking temple built by Gaudi in the 19th century. They started it over a hundred years ago, and it's still not done. At night, we went to a huge pool party at some club that held 2500 people. We've been partying in Europe, but clubs and bars aren't our vibe. We got in that pool and got our Tao Beach on. When the club was closing at 6am, Sam noticed his shoes had been "nicked". He then found a nice pair of Kurupt style high-top chucks (Converse All-Stars) for the long walk to the bus stop. As we walked out, some Spanish guy told Sam, "hey tio, those are mis zapatos". We then walked with some French girls to the bus stop, and Sam realized he didn't have his shirt either. Gordy donated some stuff to the pool also.

Barcelona Prt I

First thing we did when we got into Barcelona was hit the beach. The beaches in Barcelona are your typical European beaches you see on TV, filled with colorful umberallas and packed with people. There are Indian people everywhere bugging you to buy "beer cold" and Asian ladies selling "masajes". The only thing we bought was a doughnut from Bambolino, the guy balancing doughnuts on his head. The water is so clear considering there are so many people. We hung out with a bunch of topless EUs and found a nude beach where all of these guys had their dongs out- pretty strange. We later participated in the dong show. We swam out about 300 metres to an island of giant cement cubes in the middle of the ocean. It was chill but there were jellyfish everywhere and we think we got stung. Later, we visited the hotel where the Dream Team stayed and the casino where MJ and Chuck got their gambling fix during the 92 Olympics. They told us we needed shirts, pants, and shoes to enter, and we were 0 for 3, so we had to leave. At night, we went to see the Agbar Tower, a glass-covered phallic building with 4,500 LEDs that change colors every night. It looked like something from a different planet.

Ibiza Prt II

The next couple of days in Ibiza we did more of the same. Partied, were disgusted by British culture, watched some fights, couldnt understand people, and got tan. The 3 day birthday celebration was still in effect and it was nice because all of the British people were worshiping us, telling us how they love our accents, our white teeth, and how they wanted to come to LA (dont worry, we let them know they are not wanted).

We went to Privilege, the biggest club in the world to see Tiesto. It was pretty crazy I guess. The nice thing about these sleezy clubs is you don't need to dress up like in LA. Everywhere we went we didn't wear shirts or shoes. We made a bunch of British friends. Well, most of them were ¨working¨ so they were probably just being friendly to try to sell us some shots.

Gordy wanted to jump in the dock with all of the boats for his Birthday. Bad idea, when he was in the filthy water, a crab attacked him and his foot got all cut up and bloody. We wanted to rent scooters and cruise the island but after riding for about 10 seconds and crashing twice, Sam rembembered that he didn't even know how to ride a bike. Scooters were a bad choice. After 3 days we were more than ready to get out of Ibiza and away from the British people. Barcelona is next...

Ibiza Prt I

We went to Ibiza with very high expectations. We thought it was going to be very up-scale and expensive, but figured, it's Gordy's birthday, lets splurge a little. We couldn't have been more wrong about Ibiza. The beaches were not so great, there were sloppy British people everywhere, and the hotels were filthy. We checked into a hotel on the beach that was basically free. Some British guy in the lobby had just stayed there and told us it was not that bad- maybe by his British standards. It was, by far, the worst room we had ever seen. No carpet, no TV, dorm style bed, a sticker on the toilet that said disinfected, and the walls were so thin we could hear every word our neighbors said, all night long. This place made Imperial Palace seem like a five star hotel. In fact, it made motel 6 seem like a five star hotel.

So we decided to party since we were in Ibiza, the party capital of the world (not the classy resort island we expected). This place has clubs that hold 20,000 people and everything is opened until 8am. All the British guys are running around singing Football (soccer) songs, and fighting each other in the streets. Honestly, we saw about 3 fights the first night there. The British girls are less classy, if possible. All the girls are ¨working¨and trying to sell you some shots and go into a certain club/bar. Well at least we think that is what they said.

We partied all night at some club on the beach and went skinny dipping with some sloppy British girls afterwards. When the girls came back to their stuff, it had been ¨nicked¨ (stolen). On the way back to our hotel we were offered drugs probably 100 times. To say they least, we arrived thinking British girls were sexy, a little different feeling now. British culture shock...

Alcala

In Alcala, we stayed with one of Sam's sister's friends, Sandra. Alcala is about 30 miles outside of Madrid and had a lot more of a small town vibe. Things were a lot cheaper in Alcala because there was not as many "Giris" (what the Spanish call tourists) and there were a lot more EUs (the European version of HSGs). During the day we roamed around, we took pictures and met spanish people. At night we met Sandra's friends and she took us to some degenerate Metal club where they played loud Iron Maiden and everyone had dirty rat tails. Everyone stays out all night in Alcala just sitting around and getting drunk in the streets. Only problem with Alcala was the bus system that took us to and from Madrid. It was not very organized and one night we spent what felt like 3 hours sitting on the filthy ground waiting for a bus to take us back. Overall a fun place to be, but bottom line, it was Gordy´s birthday and we were yet to spend a day on the beach. We booked a flight to Ibiza, taking off early on the 20th. From what we knew, Ibiza was supposed to be a classy place with beautiful beaches. However, the truth awaits us...

Madrid

Spain... supposed to be the most classy of all Latin countries. A place that 500 years ago dominated the globe, now looks no different from Mexico (well at least in Madrid). We started out doing what we do on every first day in a new city, walking around for hours. Except this time there was not much to see. With the exception of one gorgeous park, El Parque Retiro, the city is pretty dirty. So, after soaking in the culture and sun we were pretty tired, and decided to stoop it at some plaza. We sat in the middle of a big group of Spanish kids. Their fashion and style was very unique. All the guys had capris, pink shirts, line-ups, piercings, and rat tails. They kissed each other when they met and were really physically comfortable with each other. Their Spanish customs were a huge shock to us. They were just hanging out, drinking, and smoking; They looked like they were 15 or 16 yo. Then two of the boys started making out. We soon found out we were in a gay plaza. A couple of the boys told Gordy they wanted to do him. We left shortly after.

Paris Prt II

Once we were back in Paris we decided to roam around and do more sight seeing. Since the weather was nicer than the day we arrived, we visited some of the same sights to see what they looked like in the sun (Notre Dame, Effile Tower, and The Louvre) and some new sights (Sacré Coeur and Moulin Rouge). We met some French girls on the way who we traded culture with. We taught them some American terms like Johnson and Donger, they spoke to us in French and we didnt understand a single word they said. However, she later learned enough English to tell Sam he "is sexy men with big down". We met some other girls that Gordy feel in love with upon learning their age, but nothing was going to keep us in a cold city with bad partying. We ended up going to bed early to get ready for Spain. Madrid, here we come. Goodbye France.

Normandy

We spent our third day in France in Normandy; located on the Northern Coast, 3 hours north of Paris. First, we went to a little fisherman village called Honflour to eat mussles and french fries. Apparently, this is a meal for the poor, but we thought it was the best meal of our lives. After roaming around and spending some time looking for French girls we left for Deuville. Deuville had many cute french girls on bachelorate parties looking for male entertainment. We roamed around the beach, went to a Casino that had 500 Euro craps (that is about 800$ US), and walked the boardwalk. It was a little cold to be swiming in the ocean, but we had to find out what the water in the English Channel felt like; Zuma, but colder. Best part about the North of France is that it stays sunny out untill about 10pm. For all of you geologists, that is due to the latitude of Northern France. And one more thing about these French people- they all say they dont speak English, but they know how to say "I dont want to serve you¨and ¨leave". F-ing Frenchies.

Versailles

On our second day in France, Sam´s cousins took us to the city of Versailles, just outside of Paris. Since Gordy was a history major, you will get a summary of what the hell Versailles is and why we went there. During the 17th century, King Louis the XIV moved the capital of France to Versailles so he could have more room to smash on girls. It is a huge castle (chateau) with many pricless pieces of art, water fountains, and no plumbing. Louis the XIV was such a baller he did his business in buckets and had slaves take the buckets out to the woods for him. In the gardens with the water fountains, Louis the XIV managed to smash on 25 girls a day (5 at a time, 5 times a day). Oh and Louis XIV bult this place to smah on girls at a time when the French treasury was close to bankrupt. He was eventually baneshed and beheaded. Long Live the King!

Paris

We finally made it! After a lot of talk, and no planing, we arrived in Paris! We had a fragrant flight with Ace's cousins at Air India, and showed up in Paris at 11am Parisian time. Immediately, the French were not as rude as they get credit for. The experience of getting from the airport to Paris central introduced us to many friendly French, and even a few mignonnes (cute girls in French). We made a friend from Bolivia, Patricia, who took us around to all the tourist spots. She was really friendly, or she just wanted to smash. She took us on a walking tour of: Notre Dame, the Louvre, some famous park, the Eiffle Tower, Arch de Triumph, and the original Statue of Liberty. So, in our first day it seemed like we saw all of Paris. Then we met with Sam's cosuins, Bita Joon and Reza Joon, who prepared some bagets for us and drove us around some more of Paris and told us the history. We were so tired from the day's adventure that we went to bed at 7. So to everyone emailing Gordy asking if Paris is the "city of lights", we have no idea- it stays sunny untill 10pm at this latitude and we went to bed at 7, you do the Math.

New York

We still can't figure out why anyone who makes millions of dollars (Ace), would want to live in the midst of the ghetto. During our stay in New York we crashed at Ace's pad in SoHo. For the price of his place, one could get a mansion in the Valley, but with the New York dollar you get a two bedroom apt. Plus, the area is supposed to be the trendy spot in NY, but we see it as an interesting blend of bums, black people, unfriendly New Yorkers, and trendy fashionistas. Whatever, one more year until big Ace comes back to LA and gets a pad for all of us degenerates to party in. So besides complaining, in NY we: slept, bought stuff, ate pizza, sang with bums, and saw Ace for 5 min when he got out of work at 3am. After a day or two in NY it was time to get the hell out and head towards the 3 s's... (sea, sex, & sun)

Vegas

Why go anywhere else in the world when Vegas has everything?? We got a sample of Italy at the Venetian & Palazzo, hung out with real Frenchies (Benji) in Paris, European bathing at TB.. Plus, Sharona`s dad, Ali Baba, runs that city. We spent 15 days in Vegas over the last month. Thats 15 different color wristbands at Tao Beach. Btw, have you met Jeremiah? Sizz fell in love with a 36yo mother of 3 from Arkansas, and G4 fell in love with every girl under 16. We got red carpet treatment, limo rides, comped meals, stolen tables at Tryst & Tao, free drinks from gay promoters that Gordy was flirting with. And we got to kick it with all our homies (Paula, Jeremiah, Matty, Sharona, Goose, Linda, Ace, Nik Biz, Big Zach, Benji) one last time before our one-way ticket from NY to Paris. Nooodaaal! Ibok Patron & Sprite Wynn slippers HSG's kids swimming in the pool Blackjack Switch Ibok.