Puerto Rico: Day 5

Day 5 was the only day that we slept in really late since we had a late night before. We were supposed to rent a car and go to the rainforest, bio bay, and surf in Rincon but we woke up too late. So instead we surfed a little at Ocean Park and then went into to Old San Juan, and ate at some place called Chicago Burgers. We met some guy from Haiti and he said we could stay with him if we ever go there.

Then we relaxed at the Sheraton pool by having some girls from Minnesota sneak us in. We met a bunch of nice Canadian people at the pool, but we were so tired, we decided to go back to our hotel and nap.

When we arrived at our hotel, we saw this guy, Jason, we met from Kansas in a small tour bus. Jason was an awesome guy who reminded us of a valley native. Earlier he had helped us get deals on a room and rental cars. He told us the group was going kayaking in the bio bay, something we wanted to do the entire trip! Right then we jumped on the bus, and supplied the entertainment for the entire trip. Kayaking at night through the lagoons and the bio bay was gorgeous. You are not supposed to get out of your kayak, because of some natural habitat bs, but me and Sam had to. We met a bunch of cool people from all over the word. We exchanged emails and told them we would be making a blog for our trip and future trip to Europe.

We ended up going home after and calling it a night, no partying - Sam because he was tired, Gordy because I was still in love with the chicas blancas we had met.

Well, the PR was amazing. Gambling, beaches, and girls, who could ask for anything more? The gambling was just like in Vegas- $5 craps tables. The beaches were absolutely gorgeous and we did a lot of exploring. The girls, were ridiculous- the locals entertained Sam as the tourist entertained Gordy. Can’t wait to go back to Puerto Rico!

Gordy took off the next day, but Sam was then headed to Grenada.

Puerto Rico: Day 4

Day 4, best day ever! We started day four looking for a rental car to go to the rainforest. Also, we had to check out of our hotel room. No, we didn't get kicked out. We didn't have a hotel room for the last 2 nights of our trip, so we figured we would rent a car, drive to the rainforest, and then drive to all the hotels and find a room.

But, the car rental place wanted 200$ for the day, since we were under 25. So we said whatever, and just stayed on the beach with nothing to do, and no place to stay. So when we met some nice girls, we decided to capitalize and try to stay with them. After chatting with them and stealing them away from some UCLA fans, they were telling us we could shower and put our bags in their room. We got their numbers, and headed inland to the hood.

Then we hitchhiked back to our old hotel (Video on right). Some Puerto Rican lady picked us up and thought we were gay. By the end of the ride, she was telling us we had to meet her friends and family. She was calling all her friends and telling them how she picked up "two gringos".. funniest thing ever. She also offered her place but it was kind of far from where we wanted to be.

When we got back to our old hotel, still homeless, we had a change of fortune. We met a group of some really cute girls. Well Gordy thought they were gorgeous, Sam was still thinking about the Puerto Ricans. We hung out with them for a little bit. Then, we decided to get a place at the same hotel we just checked out of. We were just feeling the vibe, having a fun time with the girls, and wanted to play super smash brothers in our room. Then another amazing thing happened…

Previously, The Best western had charged us 150+ a night. But at 3 am we found this black guy, Richard. Richard worked the night shift and DGAF (as the bros would say). We smooth talked him to give us the room for 60 a night- best thing ever. Afterwards, we slipped him an extra $30 for hooking it up.

Before we went to bed, we decided to see what was on TV. What'd we see? An ESPN classic of the original Dream Team! This was probably the highlight of the whole trip. Just seeing David Robinson, Charles Barkley, and of course God (MJ, in case you were born on Mars) playing ball. Amazing…

From hitch-hiking to gorgeous girls to out discounted hotel room, day four was amazing.

Puerto Rico: Day 3

On our third day in the PR it was a little overcast again. We got a late start since we were up late the night before and we had a little problem at the bank. Sizzle went to the "Standereder Bank" in Condado where he withdrew 200$. The receipt came out showing the money was deducted form his account; slight problem, no cash was dispensed. When we told the bank employees they acted like, "Hey, that's life". A teller finally gave us his cell phone and told Sizzle to call his bank. GHETTOOOO.

Afterwards, we explored some more ghetto beaches and met some girls from Columbia University (or so they said). We took them out at night and went to some clubs and gambled a little bit. We thought since they were virgins (well, virgin craps players at least) they would bring some lady luck to the table. However, that wasn't the case. After they went home we went to some local's bar and met some local Puerto Ricans. Sam was in love; Gordy thought the white girls looked better.

We met people from all over the world there: Turkey, France, Canada, Panama, and Australia, to name a few. Besides international people, we met interesting people from all over the United States: Alabama, Colorado, Missouri, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Texas, Wisconsin, and so on. We even met some tool ass UCLA fans from the mid west… what a joke.

After the bars we walked home at like 5am, talking the entire time about how we want to move to Puerto Rico for a month. We met some guy outside of a Denny's that did real estate (like JDBz) and he gave us some places to look into. So I want everyone to come visit if we, in fact, move to PR. Day 3 was a little slow, but the excitement of Day 4 was right around the corner.

Puerto Rico: Day 2

Day two started with a walk through the hood, in the Condado area. Since we were LOST, we decided to jump on a bus and befriend some locals. We met a local named "Adam" and he told us how to get to Isla Verde, a touristy place with nice hotels and casinos. We checked that out, played some craps, won some money, and then decided to go out on another hike.


Being the Valley degenerates that we are, we wanted to see some of the hood. We walked east for about 5 miles and found a place that made the Valley look like the south of France. There were some locals hanging out everywhere eating crab on a toothpick (the Puerto Rican version of hot dog on a stick). There were stray dogs and stray chickens everywhere that would one day nourish the next generation of locals. We ordered some fish, the waiter went out to the beach, caught a fish, and gave it to us. Afterwards we hit the beach for a while and headed back to Isla Verde.

On our way we experienced the authenticity of Puerto Rico, a Cock Fight! (And I'm not talking about two guys playing swords; Video on right) We paid a hefty $10 to go into the "arena" that held the cockfight. Inside were a bunch of degenerates yelling at each other and making bets amongst one another. All of the chickens were on display so you could examine them prior to the fight and see what one you think is going to win. Many people have asked me about the details of the fight itself. Basically, the two chickens peck each other, get a little bloody, and some guy screams "Gane" on a microphone. There is a game clock of 14 min (no shot clock) but the fight is usually ended when one cock was bleeding a lot and wasn't really fighting anymore. Pretty degenerate business.

That night we went to Senor Frogs and met some girls from New Jersey. We went back to their hotel at about 4 am and went swimming. Jersey is gross; apparently everyone smokes there and talks about Rutgers like they have a good football team. When they took us to their Jacuzzi, there was a French couple having sex in it. We shook hands with the French, and they continued to have sex right in front of us in the Jacuzzi (true story). We though they were setting the mood for the Jersey girls, but the girls had a slightly different objective- stealing Sizzle's phone. Unfortunately, they succeeded. However, they got the rotten end of that deal because we saw them later with some shady locals all over them. So ya, Karma.

Puerto Rico: Day 1

After a crazy flight, we arrived in Puerto Rico. One day in Puerto Rico, and we were both so burned we can barely move. We walked from the airport area to old San Juan, with no sun block. PR has gorgeous beaches. It can be described as a run down Hawaii. Meaning, the beaches are as beautiful but the surrounding towns are really ghetto. Every other building is vacant and busted/boarded up. I guess "the market" isn't doing very well over there.

But we love Puerto Rico. We explored about eight miles of gorgeous beaches in one day, on no sleep. We walked from the airport area to Old San Juan. During the adventure we experienced: the historical fort from the colonial period, millions of run down buildings, native Puerto Ricans that Sam fell in love with, millions of white tourists that Gordy fell in love with, and gorgeous beaches.

In the middle of the night, the effects of the sun started to show. First, Gordy woke up and had no idea where he was, literally. Multiple hours later, Sam woke up in a panic attack that mirrored Greg's "heart attack" moment in Vegas (Most of you know this story, but if you don't, Greg is our bisexual friend who is afraid of: spiders, the dark, black people, and just about everything that isn't a good looking Latin man named Carlos). When Sam asked Gordy to "tell [him] a story to bring [him] back to reality", Gordy mumbled about how Lebron scored 50 at MSG (foreshadowing the HSG), and Sam was back.

Oh, one more HUGE problem with PR. They're doing construction in our hotel. It starts at about 730 am. I don't meant construction like a nail and hammer I mean chainsaws and jackhammers. And they're doing the whole hotel, every floor. We are waking up to millions of construction workers everywhere speaking Spanish every day, so that sucks.

New York: Days 1 - 4

Day 1

We arrived in New York at about Midnight. By 1 am, we had experienced so much of the degenerateness that the city has to offer. We had to figure out how to get from JFK to "the city" (meaning Manhattan, which is really an island). Since every other person in NY is homeless or psychotic; we met some interesting people when asking how to get there.

For those of you who don't know, we went to NY to surprise our millionaire best friend, Ace. We had previously coordinated with Ace's roommate (Dongers McGee) to surprise him in his sleep. When we ransacked his room at about 1am, screaming at him, he was pretty delirious (once he overcame the fear that he was being robbed).

Day 2

We were mainly tourists in New York City. The first thing we did when we woke up was go to the gym, of course. We visited all the normal tourist spots, and took a bunch of pictures. During the night, we went to New York bars and clubs. However, we were not impressed with the amount of clothes worn by New York women, due to the 30-degree weather. Just one of the many reasons Sam hates New York.

Day 3

Just roamed around and saw all the sites: Wall Street, Ground Zero, the HSG in Time Square, the Lehman building, Whole Foods, Battery Park, Statue of Liberty, etc. Our flight was the next day, so after going to a few bars in NY, we decided to call it a night. However, after watching LOST at about 1am (the

Sun/Jin episode), we had too much energy to sleep. We decided to stay up all night and sleep on the plane- horrible idea.

Day 4

Since we didn't sleep it is hard to say where day three ends and day four starts. When we ran through the airport to catch our plane, it didn't matter what day it was, we were Puerto Rico bound. However, there was no time to sleep on the plane due to the domestic violence going on in the row in front of us. Some huge Puerto Rican and his Asian wife were getting super personal on each other and throwing food at each other (no joke), the entire plane ride, which made it a little hard to sleep.

New York was fun because we got to see our brother Ace. Probably not very interesting to read about. But those of you who already know the Puerto Rico stories of HSG, TRUST ME, it gets really good.

Preface

The following is a tale of two young and hung males traveling the globe with no itinerary and no deadlines. Their story is prefaced with a spring break trip to the east coast and Caribbean.. Just a sample to get everyone acclimated. This summer, the tour continues across Europe. Sam Zand aka Sizzle and Gordon Scott IV aka G4 are spreading Valley all over the world...